Vagina Dentata

As of last week I was happy to say that I had never seen a man get his 'Little General' bitten off my a toothed ladies' privates, but now I am even happier to say that I have seen that and more in the US film 'Teeth'.

After a brief but unsettling flashback to childhood fumblings, the film opens with awkward main character Dawn giving a talk to other high-school members of abstinance group The Promise, upstanding teenagers who wear ring as a symbol of their purity, and until said rings are replaced with wedding rings, no sex is to be had. But after meeting tasty nerd Tobey (also a Promise member) the whole abstinance thing seems less appealing, and a coming-of-age drama follows as Dawn battles with her building sexual appetite.

The film entertains in watching Dawn try and figure out exactly why she is in two minds about 'putting out', as the cool kids say, but she never quite puts her finger on it - which is a good thing as it would chew it right off. Before long however, the realisation is forced on her - she is cursed with the legendary vagina dentata, a toothy surprise that according to legend can only be conquered by a valiant hero. The origins of the secret gnashers aren't explained, but perhaps the two pollution-spewing power plant chimneys that keep cropping up in the background have something to do with it? It doesn't matter, as the film focuses on how to cope with casualty-causing coitus, with Dawn not the time to ponder the hows or whys.

As well as trying to reconcile her new-found issues with teenage life, family problems come into play, with Dawn's sick mother, caring step-father and aggressive step-brother Brad, who keeps a dog in a cage, has a mysterious circular 'bite' scar on his digit finger and an obsession with his girlfriend's anus. A sinister act within the family ushers in the final part of the film, and it ends in an unexpected but slightly toothless manner, pun intended. The different issues buffeting Dawn through the first half of the film are overcome by the ravenous beast within, and as a result some of emotional complexity is lost by the end, but this isn't enough of a criticism to put anyone off seeing it. The wincing and squirming of the viewer (a crab nibbling at a decomposing member, anyone?) is balanced out by the numerous laughs, and it feel a lot more like a teen drama that a horror film - 'Ten Things I Hate About You and Your Penis', or 'Carrie (your penis home in a bag)'. 'Teeth' is probably a bit catchier, but whatever the title, it is funny, uncomfortable and clever all at the same time.